“Help I can’t do it! I just can’t lose weight.”
Do you find yourself saying “I just can’t do it; I’ll never lose weight” when you keep failing every diet you try? Over and over you start the week all positive and enthusiastic, but then by the weekend it’s all gone out the window and you don’t believe you’ll ever be able to get fitter or eat better…
The first thing I’d say is throw that diet book out the window. Dieting makes it worse for you in the long-term. You don’t need to do anything big or drastic to be healthier or fitter or to lose weight. Start small and build things up gradually.
It’s time to change your focus, because right now you’re caught up in this idea of needing to change it all. But ‘changing it all’ is too hard to keep up forever. No wonder you think you’re a failure when you think you have to do it perfectly and get it all ‘right’! Chasing perfection is setting yourself up to fail, which then gives you further evidence that you’re ‘a failure’.
Take a step back from that and try something different.
How to change your focus so you reach your goals
Whatever your goal is, whether you want to eat better or move more, I always recommend starting with reviewing where you are right now. Then getting clear on where you want to be. Check-in with your goal, is it clear to you? Will you know when you’ve got there? How will things be different for you when you’re there and why do you want to get there?
Think about how you want your daily habits to be different. You need to know what you’re doing now to be able to figure out how you’re going to change and build new habits. Get clear on your daily habits and get clear on what you’re saying to yourself too.
Tune into your WHY to drive you. You need to know why you want to change and why you want to get to your goal. What does it all MEAN to you and how will life be better for you? Read more about self-motivation to help you with this here.
Then instead of making ALL the changes, just tweak it! I’m always going on about tweaking things, because it’s about making it easier for yourself. Make small changes you can stick to forever so they become habits for life. You might have a whole list of things you want to change, but take it one step at a time. Starting with the easiest step that’d make the most difference.
Change in perspective makes ALL the difference
When you’re clear on where you are now, where you want to be & why, and how you’re going to get there. Take a step back and get clear on how you’re looking at it all.
Ask yourself what you’re saying to yourself about food and healthy eating. What stories are you telling yourself about weight and your body? What beliefs are you holding onto about your ability to change? Is any of this helping you or is it holding you back?
When I’m working with clients I see over and over again, this focus on perfection. They think they need to get the perfect body or be the perfect size or weight. Then they think they need to eat perfectly or eat in a certain way, either only eating specific foods or cutting out something. If they could just find the perfect diet-plan it will all work for them… There’s no need! Perfection doesn’t exist and it’s holding you back.
What are you saying to yourself about this?
It’s time to be a detective of your own thoughts. When you get clear on what you’re saying to yourself, then you can start to challenge those beliefs that you’re holding onto. Think about how you talk about yourself and how you talk about the changes you’re trying to make. You could grab a journal and ask yourself the questions I’ve written in this post, then just write and see what pops up for you.
Is there an over-riding belief or main thought that stands out for you? Here are some possible examples:
- ‘I just can’t eat healthily’
- ‘I need to do it all perfectly’
- ‘Healthy eating is too hard for me’
- ‘I can’t cope without treating myself’
Is this the whole truth?
Take that metaphorical step back from the situation to see where you could challenge the way you’re thinking. There may well be some truth in what you’re saying to yourself, but is it ALL the truth. Is what you’re saying to yourself set in stone? When we believe something it’s easy to look for evidence to back it up. Trouble is you can become blinkered to other possible perspectives. See if you can look for ALL the evidence for AND against the story you’re telling yourself.
Is this helping you?
When you say that thing to yourself, how does it affect you? Think about how it impacts on what you do. Ask yourself whether it helps you to get where you want to be. Or does it lead you to feel crap, give up putting in the effort to make changes and then eat the entire biscuit tin?
What could you say to yourself instead?
What could you say to interrupt those unhelpful thinking patterns? Some of my clients find it useful to repeat self-affirmations to themselves when they notice that unhelpful voice popping up to derail them. Think about how you could challenge that unhelpful voice in the back of you head. How could you flip what you’re saying to yourself to be more constructive? It doesn’t have to be about thinking positive, coz let’s face it that isn’t always appropriate if life is throwing crap at you. But it’s important to be kind to yourself.
Flip your focus away from telling yourself over and over again that you’re a failure and you just can’t lose weight. That will just keep you stuck in the same cycle. Instead focus on getting clear on your goal, your reasons and tweaking your habits. Then practice breaking the unhelpful thinking patterns that get in your way.
Remember this all takes time, effort and practice. Getting help with this from a coach or mentor can make a huge difference and I am here for you if you need non-judgemental support.
Ditch dieting forever – you deserve better.
Need help to ditch dieting forever?
Want to eat normally again AND lose weight healthily? While still enjoying the cake & chocolate? Hell yes!
I will help you ditch dieting forever, either with my 1-2-1 support. Or if you prefer to work independently, you will learn all the skills I teach my 1-2-1 clients, on my ‘No More Diets’ online course.
My Weekly Round-up! AKA; what I’ve been up to recently…
- Tea of the week has been English Breakfast as I’ve fancied something a little stronger. Really missing the gorgeous Earl Grey with Jasmine teabags we used to be able to get years ago. If you know of a tea company that sells something like that please tell me more!
- In the middle of last week I went to my monthly masterminding session with my Biz Buddies. It’s always good to bounce ideas of each other and share our progress. I have plans and schemes up my sleeves, or I would have if I was wearing sleeves… it’s too hot for that this week, is summer finally here?!
- At the weekend we went up our 10th hill in our little family challenge 22 hills in 2022. This week it was Ragleth Hill and another dramatic descent! Well the actual descent was fine, but we followed what turned out to be the wrong path round the bottom of the hill. One minute it was fine, the next we were wading through taller and taller ferns then suddenly the path ended in fences and overgrown trees. It looked like there was no way through. We ended up clambering over one of the fences into a field then wandering around the edge of the field until we found a gate to get out onto the road. But not before we were told off by a random bloke for trespassing across his land – ooops! Cue much apologising and awkwardness…
- This week I was interviewed for Ladey Adey’s podcast all about books. I’ve not written a book (yet!) but you know I love books, I’m sure I’ve mentioned my reading challenge 22 books in 2022. Anyway, reading is self-care in my opinion. I’ll let you know when the episode’s aired, but for now you can check out Ladey’s show here.
- Things I’ve watched: in honour of Pride month we watched the film ‘Pride’ this week and it was just lovely. The film tells the true story of how a mining community were supported by a Gay & Lesbian activist group through the strikes of the 80s. Apparently it’s a pretty faithful depiction of what happened too.
- Bird Nerd Report: I’m pretty sure I’ve seen kingfishers every day this week on my post-school-run walk along the brook. It always makes me smile to see that flash of electric blue and today one landed on a branch close enough for me to see it’s beautiful colours clearly. I’ve seen loads of long-tailed tits this week too. The other day I saw a sparrowhawk chasing a pigeon – can’t believe it was trying to eat it, surely they’re too big?! Another thing that made me smile was finding a tiny jay feather this morning, the colours are gorgeous! Check it out in the photo below.